BY NISSAR H. GILANI
Recently, I invited my learned friends on social media to share their valuable comments as whether •we in Kashmir need an old age home for senior citizens. To my welcome surprise the response was overwhelming; most of the friends rejected the idea of such institutions. Some of the points raised by some learned friends are worth considering. Of late, I. have been observing old age related problems and few senior citizens living solo. I personally feel a debate on the issue is necessary. Among the observations made on social media were:
The generation next of Kashmir do respect their elders though they may not express it in the traditional way, leading to misunderstanding among few elders. The elders/parents should appreciate the difficulties of those working children who spend most of their time in offices/Business, and should try to be more accommodating towards them. After full days hectic work amid long hours spent in com¬mutation on crowded roads and jams, spouses return home tired and wish to spend a quiet time. During this period, if they do not talk much with their elders, it should never be construed as dis¬respect or being inconsiderate.
Some were of the view that elders should live with the young and share in talking the problems of the household. The joint family system is good with many advantages that is unfortunately fast coming to an end. In the present day scenario, whether living in big and small houses, understanding and adjustment is needed from both sides. The traditional concept of relation between a daughter-in-law, and her parents-in-law needs revisiting. Fortunately we still have not opted to live in cramped flats, where the space is at premium, making it difficult for a family of six or more to adjust.
Most of the friends who shared their views on the subject say that they don’t like the idea of parents/elders living in old age homes, not only are they similar to asylums where they are lonely and home sick but also against the Islamic-teachings that lays emphasis in respecting their elders, more so for an aging and ailing mother in whose feet lie the paradise. Some elders were of the opinion that they would rather face insults and humiliation at home instead of living in old age homes. Both husband and wife go to work and both are worried about their children at home, though they may be able to pay for domestic helpers or crèches but they know that their wards do not get the care, affection and love which their own grand parents can give. Grandparents alone will be able to take adequate care of the young children, one friend said. Another friend was of the opinion that the youth expired their elders to inculcate in their children moral values.
Where ever possible, the elders at home should help the kids in doing their home work which schools thrust on the young once, besides restraining from pampering their grand children.
Young people do not like the interference from the elders in their affairs more so in their method of earning and spending; expensive shopping, weekend holidays, and living in style. The elders, however feel that their children should stop wasteful expenditure and refrain from reckless spending. One more reason of strain in young generation is that their elders keep on harping on their own good old days, which in no case are going to return, why talk about them repeatedly. We live in the present and we should look to the future and not the past. Most elders take their extreme positions, either they keep on meddling in all the affairs of their children or they just keep aloof. Both undesirable, the elders should give their considered opinion and advice where ever needed. The elders should not take it to their hearts if their children take decisions themselves without any consultations. Most of the elders do not plan for retired life. After retirement time hangs heavy on them and a feeling of emptiness and of being ‘Nobody’ haunts them. Elders should plan for their retirement during their active service. As the life style has improved tremendously, retired persons enjoy good health even at the age of 65, or even more and can be useful to the family and the society in general. They could take up social service, Philanthropic work or pursue their own interests or hobbies or take care of childless elders.
Whatever the young friends said are indeed worth considering by the elders. No doubt old age has its advantages and disadvantages one should look at the brighter side of things.
Nisar Geelani can be reached at nisargilani57748@gmail.com
