By Simrandeep Kour
First of all the question is “What is dowry?”
The dowry system in India refers to the durable goods, cash and real or movable property the bride’s family gives to the bridegroom, his parents, his relatives as a condition of the marriage. Offering, receiving and providing dowry in any form is a punishable offence. It is one of the many social evils prevalent in the Indian society since ages. In today’s world, girls are been burned and marriages are being broken for dowry. According to latest statistics of National Crime Records Bureau there was 7628 deaths in the year 2016 which is a staggering number.
Now comes the question “How can it be stopped?”
Stop yourself from accepting dowry and also prevent others from doing the same. Although, the government has made many rules to punish dowry lovers but unfortunately, this practice is still flourishing in the society. There are saints who conduct dowry free marriages across the country to make India dowry free. Under the dowry prohibition act which was passed in 1961, anyone taking dowry is to be imprisoned for not less than 5 years and has to pay a fine of Rupees 15000 or the value of the dowry received, whichever is higher. If any dowry is received from the women it should be given back to her.
If I talk about our Union Territory (U.T.) J&K, in Kashmir there is a rampant upshot of dowry practice/(system). The victims of this system were talked to and there responses were as follows:-
Case study No.1
Background information
Demographic status: Urban
Place: Srinagar
Educational qualification: Graduate
Occupation: Clerk (private)
Age at marriage and now: 30, 36
Age difference with husband: 3 years
Qualification of husband: M.A
Occupation of husband: Government teacher
Income of husband: 20,000/month (approx.)
Type of family: Joint
Children: 0
Rafia Jan lived at Bemina in a middle class family. Her father was a Pathwari & mother housewife. She lived with 2 siblings & her parents. She completed her graduation with full enthusiasm & she was fond to do a job. After 2 years of struggle she got a job in an office as a clerk. Her monthly income was 5 to 7,000. She contributed to her family & also saved some money for her marriage. A mediator brought a proposal of marriage for her. Everything seemed good so the marriage was fixed. The mediator took a good amount of money for fixing the marriage. She was married to a well qualified government teacher of Zakura area. Her marriage was working smoothly only until she was shocked to see the real face of her in-laws. Her life was shattered just after six months of her marriage, when her sister-in-law & mother-in-law asked her to bring cash for them. They told her that they have no problem if she wants to continue with her job but the condition was that more than the half of her salary should be contributed to the in-laws. When she tried to complain her husband, shockingly, he threatened her of giving divorce & accused her as characterless. The reason for demanding this money was that the groom’s parents have already spent money on marriage & their son is on good post. She was even asked to surrender her gold to her sister-in-law who was yet to get married. She was tortured by her husband & her in-laws. They also complained her of being infertile but in actual, the relationship with her husband was not good. After 2 years she came to know about her husband’s extra marital affair & when she raised voice against this. She was thrashed like an animal. Her husband was having affair with a girl who was less than half of his age, who also was his student. She was asked to give divorce but she refused. She went to an Imaam Sahab of a nearby Masjid & requested to look in the matter. Her husband was called & counselling was done for them. Her mother-in-law passed after few months of this incident & now she is living with her husband but the clouds are still in the sky.
Case study No. 2
Background information
Demographic status: Urban
Place: Srinagar
Educational qualification: B.A
Occupation: Clerk (private)
Age at marriage and now: 34, 42
Age difference with Husband: 06 years
Qualification of Husband: 12th pass
Occupation of Husband: Businessmen
Income of Husband: 16000/month (approx.)
Type of family: Joint
Children: 01
Hanifa was born in Aluchi bagh, in a middle class family & her father had a carpet business. All her younger brothers & sisters were married but she was not getting married because she had a blotch on her left side of face. She was very depressed & used to remain calm & alone. Initially, she used to go at sacred places & pray for her marriage but with the passing time she was hopeless & fed up too. Her mother used to take her to doctors beauticians but nothing worked. This brought in her nature a kind of angriness & exasperation. She used to get irritated every time & was upset with her life. Finally, she got an offer of marriage from with a man who was 40 at that time residing at Safa kadal. As compensation she was given a piece of land on marriage as dowry. She got married to Afzal (name changed) who was a businessman in 2006. Hanifa was more educated than Afzal and that too became her fault and it went against her. After marriage Hanifa was asked to sell her land. Her husband told her that he wants to start a new business & needs money. She happily did what she was told. After 8 months she was again asked to arrange some money from her father’shome for the establishment of business. She went to her father & he gave her a good amount. Her husband assured her to return this money but he never did.
Rather, she was asked to get more. When she came to know that it is not for any business she revolted. In turn, she was battered, abused & taunted. She lived in a miserable condition & became weak by health. Her husband started annoying her but soon when he came to know about her pregnancy he treated her good. At last, when she gave birth to a girl he was again ruthlessly beating her. Finally, she decided to get separated; the case remained in court for 2 years but Hanifa & her parents did not lose hope & now she is living with her daughter at her father’s home & she is working as housekeeping.
Case study No.3
Background information
Demographic status: Urban
Place: Srinagar
Educational qualification: B.Sc.
Occupation: Teacher
Age at marriage and now: 29, 33
Age difference with Husband: 3 yrs.
Qualification of Husband: M.Sc.
Occupation of Husband: Teacher
Income of Husband: 22,000/month (approx.)
Type of family: Joint
Children: 02
Masrat belonged to Sonwar area of Srinagar city. She was born in good well settled family. Her father was a forester & mother teacher. Masrat had one brother & one sister. Masrat was the second child & she wanted to become doctor. She could not make it so she did her B.Sc. After passing her graduation, she was married by her parents to a Government teacher Hilal residing at Dalgate. She was loved by her husband so much. They went for outing once a week after & used to bring gifts for her after marriage. As per Masrat 5 months after her marriage were the beautiful moments of her life but her world turned upside down when she was asked to get 2 lakh rupees from her father. Her husband was very nice to her. Her husband motivated her to get money that it is not dowry but the need of home & it will be a kind of help. She did what her husband told her. 1.5 lakh was given to them but later she came to know & was shocked that her husband knows it’s not the need rather dowry but still he is calm. She went to her father’s home for 3 months but her husband apologized & convinced her to come back. After 2 months she came to know about her pregnancy & her husband was very happy. But her in-laws again demanded money. She somehow managed & arranged money & gave them just to keep good relation with them. With the passage of time, the demand increased which in turn increased the burden on her parents. Her husband was silent in this matter because he was dominated by his mother & father. When she failed to give further amount, she was mentally & physically tortured by her mother-in-law in the absence of her husband. When she gave birth to twins her husband somehow changed & opposed his parents. Now she has somehow managed to live separately with her husband & children but the past brings to her goose bumps.
Case study No.4
Background information
Demographic status: Urban
Place: Srinagar
Educational qualification: B.A
Occupation: Teacher
Age at marriage and now: 31, 35
Age difference with Husband: 6 yrs.
Qualification of Husband: M.Com
Occupation of Husband: Banking Associate
Income of Husband: 24,000/month (approx.)
Type of family: Joint
Children: 0
Tahira is a resident of Jawahar Nagar. She was born in a middle class family. Her father was an office clerk. Abdul Ahad Beigh (father of Tahira), lived with his wife, mother, two sons & a daughter. Tahira was brought up with more love & extra care than her brothers. Every kind of facility was given to her. She did her studies from a well reputed institute of Srinagar. Her dream was to become a lecturer. But instantly after her graduation, she opted for a job as she wanted to be independent even though her family gave her everything she wanted. She was very fond to earn so she became a private teacher. At the same time she wanted to pursue with her studies through correspondence so she admitted herself in a distance mode. Soon after three to four months her paternal aunt came with a proposal of marriage with her son. Their parents did not find anything wrong but they wanted their sons to get married first as they were elder to her but at the same time they did not wanted to lose the proposal. So, they decided to engage Tahira with the said boy. Tahira was at the disposal of her parents so she also agreed & he (Tajamul) was good looking boy & banking associate. They were finally engaged.
During the engagement Tahira & Tajamul often used to date each other. Tajamul however, provoked Tahira to leave the studies & she got convinced. In 2 years her brother was married & after that, Tahira also got married to Tajamul. But during this period the formalities like ‘Kokar Majmas’, ‘Bateh Terem’, etc. on various occasions was given to Tajamul’s family. Some times Tahira felt that these are unnecessary things but she was told that these are customs of marriage. Soon after 3 months of marriage, Tahira was upset because her mother-in-law who was also her Aunt was demanding things. She was asked to get copper items, furniture & domestic household items. Her father was shocked when he saw this even he was asked to pay the phone bills. Her mother was suffering with hypertension; she blamed her husband & herself for spoiling her daughter’s life, she was stressed & felt ill & finally passed away. She was still asked to get Dowry which she failed to bring & was fed up. When she was pregnant, she believes that some conspiracy was made against her & she faced an abortion. Her brothers did
not lose hope & fought against this. Finally, she got divorce in 2 years & now she is living at her brother’s home & is working in a school to make her livelihood.
Case study No. 5
Background information
Demographic status: Urban
Place: Srinagar
Educational qualification: Graduate
Occupation: Housewife
Age at marriage and now: 30, 38
Age difference with Husband: 3 yrs
Qualification of Husband: M.A
Occupation of Husband: Businessman
Income of Husband: 18,000/month (approx.)
Type of family: Joint
Children: 02
It was a really sorrowful tale and I felt quite depressed when Rehana shared her marriage story. Rehana a resident of Solina was born in a middle class family. Her father was a Clerk & mother housewife. Rehana was good at studies & wanted to study more but her grandmother being conservative wanted her to get married soon. So after her graduation, she was married to Shakeel at Nowpora some six years ago. While telling her story she said that I had completed my graduation when my parents started to think about my marriage. And when finally it was decided to whom I will get married, everything looked fine and nice. But suddenly after the engagement the groom’s family started to demand the dowry form small instances and for different excuses. Once they said that I am not much educated so give us something in dowry. So when I told them that if my education is problem then I will start my post-graduation soon and then this problem will go too. But they refused and said that we want dowry and we don’t want you to be more educated than our son (groom). When I asked Rehana what about your children? She replied that this is the only reason now that I am living in this house. My children are my life now. Rehana has two children; one daughter and a son. This often happens that after marriage when a child is born the girl gets bound to the house and the grooms family demands more and more even the bride is their responsibility but all is upside down.
RESULT AND CONCLUSION
After contacting the victims of dowry it was Very clear that ‘Everyone has a story to tell’. These Women faced a lot of disgrace & dishonour. It was also Clear that dowry is been practiced in Kashmir, however It appears in different disguise. It has become a social Malevolence & has taken form of various social, Economical, emotional & ethical problems in society. The dowry system is also an economical stress on Bride’s family. Woman is ill-treated and beaten for the Sake of money. Women face physical and mental Anguish when they are not able to accomplish the Demands of their in-laws. Husband fight with his wife & treat her horribly without considering her health and Feelings. It is a menace on women folk, it degrades her Status, it is a burden to a girl’s family, it compels a girl To earn from dissolute & disrepute ways. Parents are
Always stressed to meet the demands of In-laws. It is Always a matter of concern for parents because their Girls remain unmarried due to insufficiency of dowry; They also lose their self respect. The relationship of a Husband & a wife is also affected. Moreover it also Brings aggression or conflict between family members. Husband beats, abuses & frights with his wife for the Sake of dowry. It was observed with grief that even Fairly well educated women were of this view that men Have full authority over women. At last I can say that, marriage is a beautiful
Relation & people marry as it’s a formal union & a Social and legal tie between two persons that binds their Lives legally, economically, and emotionally. But as Every coin has two faces, similarly this splendid relation Sometimes can turn life into a nightmare. A girl, who has dreamt of her marriage like a fairy tale, build Diamond castles in air, assumed her husband as a Prince, can be a victim of dreadful appearance of a Marriage, which can turn her world upside down.
Dowry is one of the most horrendous & terrifying evils In the society that have become somewhat necessary Living tools for a marriage to run. It slinked in our Society to fatal results. It has assaulted our social environment with its venomous air. Dowry has been the utmost nuisance to many parents. Its occurrence has made people to feel mentally distressed & has been a great financial devastate. It won’t be wrong to quote here; “They say Marriages are made in Heaven, but so is thunder & lightning”.
-C. Eastwood
Simrandeep Kour is pursuing English honours from A.S. College, Gogji Bagh, can be reached at simran.wazir8@gmail.com