Peerzada Masarat
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Arguments in relationships are as inevitable as Monday mornings, and expecting a conflict-free relationship only sets you up for disappointment. It’s not about dodging disagreements but about handling them in a way that strengthens your connection. Here’s how to turn your spats into stepping stones.
- Accept That Fights Happen
Arguments aren’t deal-breakers; they’re a natural part of any close relationship. Even happy couples have disagreements. Recognize that having conflicts is normal. The focus shouldn’t be on avoiding them but on managing them with respect, kindness, and maturity. - Remember Why You Fell for Them
In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to lose sight of the qualities that made you love this person in the first place. Take a moment to remind yourself why you’re with them. Thinking of their positive traits and good moments together can shift your perspective and help you handle the conflict more constructively. - Know Your Own Triggers (and Theirs)
Everyone has sensitive spots. If you’re aware of the topics or behaviors that push each other’s buttons, you’re better prepared to avoid these traps. Talk openly with each other about these triggers, and when conflicts arise, show compassion toward each other’s boundaries. - Make Ground Rules Before Arguments Happen
When things are calm, take time to agree on some basic guidelines for handling conflicts. Maybe you both agree to take a timeout if things get too heated, or to avoid name-calling. Think of these as the foundation of a respectful argument, guiding you toward fair and supportive conflict resolution. - Speak Up Before It’s Too Late
Bottling up frustration for the sake of “peace” often backfires. Resentment builds when small issues aren’t addressed, and the smallest trigger can lead to an explosive argument. Be honest about what’s bothering you, even if it feels uncomfortable, so you can deal with it before it becomes overwhelming. - Check Yourself First
Before pointing fingers, pause and reflect on your own role in the situation. Did you say something hurtful? Were you dismissive or impatient? Owning up to your part in the issue, even a small part, can often help defuse tensions and create a more open atmosphere for resolution. - Take a Break When It Gets Too Much
Sometimes, the best move is to walk away and give yourself space to calm down. Taking a short break allows both of you to cool off and return to the conversation with a clearer, more level-headed approach. Stepping away doesn’t mean giving up; it’s a strategy to avoid saying things you might regret. - You’re a Team, Not Rivals
Arguments can make it feel like you’re on opposing sides, but remember that you’re in this together. Treating each other as opponents with a “win or lose” mindset only harms the relationship. Instead, focus on solving the problem as a team, keeping in mind that you both want the relationship to thrive. - Watch Your Words
It’s tempting to throw out sharp words or insults in the heat of the moment, but hurtful words can leave deep, lasting wounds. Take a deep breath before speaking, and avoid saying anything you wouldn’t want to hear yourself. Be mindful of your language to keep the conflict constructive and minimize unnecessary pain. - Keep Private Stuff Private
Using personal information that was shared in trust as ammunition during a fight is unfair and damaging. If your partner confided in you about a sensitive issue, respect that privacy, even in the heat of an argument. Bringing up secrets only erodes trust and hurts the bond between you. - Leave Outsiders Out of It
It might seem helpful to involve friends or family as a support system during arguments, but adding outside opinions often complicates things. Resist the urge to share your private conflicts with others. This is a matter between you two, and resolving it on your own strengthens your bond and maintains your privacy. - Try Praying Together
If spirituality is a part of your relationship, consider praying together. Taking time to pray can help you both find a sense of unity and calm, reminding you that you’re not enemies but partners. This can offer perspective and create a shared moment of peace. - Look for the Underlying Issue
Often, the argument isn’t really about what’s being said at the moment. Small conflicts can mask bigger issues, like stress from work or past resentments. Dig deeper to understand what’s truly causing the conflict, and address those core issues to prevent similar arguments in the future. - Listen, Don’t Just Wait to Speak
Active listening is essential for resolving conflict. Let your partner express their perspective without interrupting. Listening doesn’t mean you have to agree, but it shows that you value their feelings and thoughts, creating a space where both of you can be understood. - Mind Your Body Language
Your non-verbal cues can speak louder than words. Avoid eye rolls, crossed arms, or sighs that convey contempt or impatience. Keeping an open posture and making eye contact shows respect and helps prevent adding fuel to the fire. - Keep Kids Out of It
Children should feel secure and unaffected by adult conflicts. Avoid arguing in front of them or involving them in any way. They deserve a stable environment with both parents, regardless of disagreements, so keep them out of the conflict. - Resolve Things Sooner Rather Than Later
Letting an argument simmer without resolution only leads to built-up tension and resentment. Try to address and resolve conflicts as quickly as possible. When issues are dealt with promptly, it becomes easier to let go and move forward together without lingering negativity. - Apologize When You Need To—and Mean It
Apologies show humility and respect. A genuine apology isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a step toward healing. When you make a mistake, own up to it and apologize sincerely. And when your partner apologizes, show grace by forgiving instead of keeping a mental record of past wrongs. - Find a Solution, Not Just a Quick Fix
Apologies are a good start, but a long-term solution prevents repeat conflicts. Talk together about what you both can do differently next time, whether it’s improving communication or setting boundaries. Working on solutions strengthens your relationship and helps you grow closer. - Reconnect Emotionally—and Physically
Making up isn’t just about apologies and solutions. Reconnecting physically—through a hug, a kiss, or simply holding hands—helps to rebuild intimacy and trust. Physical affection reaffirms the emotional bond you share and brings closure after a conflict. - Laugh and Let Go
Once the argument is resolved, finding humor in the situation can help you both relax and move forward. Sharing a laugh together reminds you that no fight is bigger than your love and that, in the end, you’d rather be happy than “right.”
The Takeaway: Fights Aren’t the End of Love—They’re Part of It
Perfect harmony is a myth, and conflict doesn’t spell the end of a relationship. True love isn’t about never fighting; it’s about working through challenges together. Conflict, when handled with care and respect, can strengthen your relationship. Choose to stay, communicate, and find solutions. Real love means finding someone worth fighting for—and learning to fight right.
Peerzada Masarat Shah is a well-known writer and the editor of the weekly newspaper Barwaqat, offering insightful commentary on the socio-political landscape of Jammu and Kashmir.
