DR. FIAZ MAQBOOL FAZILI
Substance abuse is a silent epidemic in Kashmir. Behind the scenic valleys and picturesque mountains lie an unsettling reality: a growing number of young people falling prey to the dark world of addiction, which is like a hornet’s nest. As someone who has battled this affliction and emerged on the other side, I “Suhail, 20 yrs, name changed, now pen this farewell letter to my addiction, a farewell that is long overdue. IMPACT! I was deeply moved by a column on addiction in Kashmir Pen on January 30th. The motivational story inspired me to rethink and reclaim my courage to break free from the hornet’s nest of drug addiction.
Dear Addiction,
There is a saying that the hardest thing to do in life is to say goodbye. This includes all relationships, including my relationship with you. We have been through a lot together. It all
started with plenty of happy moments, like the first time I experienced getting high ecstatic or drunkenness. There came a point where I thought I would never have to part with you. I never thought you would betray me. Now, it is time to say goodbye.
When you first came into my life, I believed that you would help me ease all the pain I was going through. I thought that my traumatic childhood experiences would disappear thanks to you. I also thought that you could ease many of the struggles of my present. This includes issues I had in my personal and professional life. I believed that the more I poured into you,the less I would have to worry about my other problems. For a while, everything seemed fine. We had a great relationship, and you did exactly what I thought you would do—help me escape.
Eventually, I realized that I was wrong. Things started to change. You became the hardest relationship I have ever had to experience. You started to take more than you gave. In fact
you stopped giving at all. You took almost everything away from me. You took away my job. You took away my family members. You took away my friends. You took away my dream of marital(family) life. You took away my religious obligations. Eventually, you took everything away from me. You told me that as long as I let you control everything in my life, everything would be okay. Oh, how wrong I was. It has become clear that everything is not okay. In order for things to get better, I need to let you go.
You are incredibly cruel. You are a tremendous liar. You are the best thief. Oh, you are an evil master. There were plenty of times when I believed things were starting to look up. I was starting to crawl away from your evil clutches. It turns out that you are also vindictive, as you did everything in your power to pull me right back in. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get away from you. All I wanted to do was make changes in my life that would be for the better. I wanted to become a better person. There was even a part of me that believed I could become a better person with you. Sadly, you are unwilling to share. You constantly blocked me from doing any of the things I wanted to do. In that sense, you quickly became my worst nightmare. Because of you, I ended up doing things that I never in a million years thought I would be capable of doing. You turned me into what I hated more than anything else. You robbed me of my independence and freedom. You have changed me.As a result, I know I have to leave you. I have tried to leave you in the past; however, every time I try to leave you behind, you simply come back stronger than ever before. I realized that the only way I would be able to leave you would be if I hit rock bottom first.
The only thing is that I didn’t know exactly what rock bottom meant. I lost my job. I lost my family. How much more do I have to lose before I’m willing to leave you for good? Will it be a trip to the hospital? Will it be an arrest? No, I am making the decision to leave you now. Finally, I am deciding that I have had enough of you. I was too scared to leave you before. I was scared to leave. I feared what my life might look like without you. I watched you dig my grave from day one. As the days went by, I stood by and did nothing. Then, you decided to push me into that grave. You began to cover me up. You thought that you would be able to get rid of me. No. That will never happen. I will not let it because I am stronger than you, and I am saying goodbye.
Consequently, I’m aware that I must depart from you. I have tried to leave you in the past nonetheless, whenever I seek to forget you, you just return even more powerful than before.I understood that the only way I could part from you would be if I first reached my lowest point. The only issue was that I wasn’t entirely sure what rock bottom referred to. I was laid off from my job. I have lost my family. What else must I sacrifice before I’m ready to walk away from you permanently? Will it involve a visit to the hospital? Will there be an arrest?No, I have decided to part ways with you now. I am concluding that I am fed up with you. I was too afraid to walk away from you earlier. I felt frightened to go. I feared what my life could resemble in your absence. From the very beginning, I observed you excavate my grave. As time passed, I watched and remained inactive. Then, you chose to shove me into that grave. You started to conceal me. You believed you could eliminate me. No. That will never occur. I won’t allow it because I am more powerful than you, and I am bidding farewell. Therefore, I know I must leave you. I’ve tried before, but each time I walked away, you returned even stronger. I realized that truly leaving you would only happen if I hit rock bottom first. But I never understood what rock bottom really meant. I lost my job. I lost my family. How much more must I lose before I finally walk away for good? Will it take a hospital stay? An arrest? No. I refuse to wait for that moment. I am choosing to leave you now. I am deciding that I’ve had enough.
The timid me, I was once too afraid to let you go—afraid of what life would be like without you. I watched as you dug my grave from the very beginning. Day by day, I stood by, doing nothing. Then, you tried to push me in and bury me completely, believing you could erase me. But no—that will never happen. I will not let it. I am stronger than you, and today, I am saying goodbye. Without you, I am stronger than ever. Without you, I am achieving more than I ever have before. Without you, I am reconnecting with the life and the people I once cherished, knowing their love for me remains unchanged. Without you, I can wake up each morning for prayers without regret, shame, or fear. Without you, I am in control of my life, my decisions, my fasts and my future.You tricked me into believing that I needed you. You whispered in my ear that you were my saviour, my protector, my escape. But now I see the truth—you were nothing more than a parasite, feeding off my pain, my weakness, my suffering. You thrived when I was at my lowest, and you rejoiced in my misery. But no more. Absolutely not. I refuse to give you one more second of my life. I refuse to let you take anything else from me.
To my addiction, this is goodbye. A final, unwavering, unshakable goodbye. I never want to see you again. I am moving forward. I am reclaiming my life. I am choosing hope, love, and healing over you. I am choosing myself.Lastly, mymessage of hope to the young people of Kashmir: Life is tough, but so are you. Do not let the darkness of difficult times lure you into a false escape. Drugs promise relief but only deliver pain. You have the strength to say NO—at any time, at any stage. To anyone battling addiction: You are not alone. Your story is not over. Recovery is hard, but every step you take toward healing is a victory. You are stronger than your cravings, braver than your struggles, and worthy of a future filled with hope.
Remember: One bad chapter does not define your whole story. Every sunrise is a new chance to change. You are loved, you are needed, you are capable of healing. Turn pain into power, struggles into strength, and fear into faith. Choose life. Choose hope. Choose YOU.
Goodbye, addiction. You are no longer welcome here.
Sincerely,
Suhail – A Survivor, A Fighter, A Warrior.
The author is a Surgeon at Mubarak hospital, Writer, Blogger, Life coaching, Influencer, contributes towards moral, social and religious issues and reforms can be reached atdrfiazfazili@gmail.com
