Lavish Extravagant Weddings of Kashmir:
It’s Time to Break the Trend.
A recent cultural intrusion other than “Haldi Rassam, keeping neighbours whole night something new in our marriages “deafening fire works , and deafening music till fajr – so much annoying.”
DR FIAZ MAQBOOL FAZILI
Kashmiri weddings, steeped in tradition, are known for their modesty and austerity. However, the current trend of extravagant spending on weddings has reached unsustainable levels, putting immense financial strain on families and distorting the true essence of the occasion. As society transitions into a blend of modernity and traditional values, there is an increasing need to restore simplicity and austerity in weddings. Balancing cultural practices with the demands of a financially responsible and socially equitable approach is essential. This essay explores the manifestations, causes, and social impacts of extravagant weddings in Kashmir and proposes ways to break this trend, with a focus on the role of religious leaders, social groups, and concerned citizens.
Manifestations of Lavishness in Kashmiri Weddings
In Kashmir, weddings are not just a union of two individuals but a reflection of social status and prestige. Over the years, weddings have become multi-day events involving numerous elaborate ceremonies such as the “Wazwan” (a traditional multi-course feast), grand receptions, opulent venues, and expensive attire for the bride and groom. The introduction of modern elements like destination weddings, high-end photography, and luxurious decorations has further inflated costs.The expenditure on Wazwan alone is a prime example of the lavishness that dominates Kashmiri weddings. Traditionally consisting of seven or more courses, today’s Wazwan often exceeds twenty to thirty dishes, far beyond what is necessary. Excessive spending on bridal attire, which includes elaborate jewelry designer dresses, videography and musical bands adds to the burden, further distancing the event from its original religious and social significance.
Is there cultural intrusion :?..
A recent cultural intrusion is “ haldi rassam plus many non kashmiri events , keeping neighbours whole night something new in our marriages “ deafening fire works , and deafening music till fajr – so much annoying.”Have neighbouring state or their drama serials affecting our traditions.
The social pressure to outdo others in wedding festivities leads to borrowing and accumulating debts, particularly among lower and middle-income families who feel compelled to keep up with societal expectations. This creates a vicious cycle of financial stress and overindulgence, resulting in long-term impacts on family wellbeing.
Causes of Extravagance in Weddings
The rise in extravagant weddings can be traced to several factors, including societal expectations, cultural intrusion, commercialization, and the need for social validation. One of the primary causes is the deeply ingrained tradition that equates lavish weddings with honor and dignity. Families often believe that the more they spend, the greater their respect in the community. This false notion of prestige fuels a competitive mindset, with families trying to outshine each other through extravagance.
Commercialization has also played a significant role in promoting extravagant weddings. The wedding industry in Kashmir has flourished with wedding planners, caterers, decorators, and photographers promoting expensive and grandiose wedding packages. Mass media, including social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook, also contribute to this trend by showcasing elaborate and picture-perfect weddings. The need to keep up with these glamorized ideals further exacerbates the pressure on families to spend beyond their means.
Cultural intrusion is another factor responsible for the lavishness in Kashmiri weddings. The influence of Bollywood and Western wedding trends has introduced new, expensive practices that are not part of traditional Kashmiri customs. Families now opt for elaborate décor, destination weddings, and pre-wedding photo shoots, which are alien to Kashmiri culture. These modern elements often overshadow the simplicity and spiritual significance of traditional Kashmiri weddings.
Social Impact of Extravagant Weddings
The social impact of extravagant weddings in Kashmir is profound and far-reaching. Firstly, it has created a deep divide between the rich and the poor. While affluent families can afford to spend lavishly, middle- and lower-income families struggle to meet these societal expectations, often resulting in financial ruin. This inequality fosters resentment and perpetuates the cycle of poverty.
Additionally, the trend of extravagant weddings has diverted attention from the real purpose of marriage – the union of two individuals and families based on love, commitment, and understanding. Instead of focusing on these values, the emphasis has shifted to material display and competition. This shift distorts societal values and encourages materialism, weakening the fabric of the community.
Moreover, the financial burden of lavish weddings has contributed to the delay in marriages, particularly among families with limited resources. Many parents of girls, who are traditionally expected to bear the wedding costs, find themselves unable to afford the expenses, leading to delayed marriages or undue stress on families to arrange funds.
What Religion Says About Spending in Marriage?.
The Shari’ah ordains that events of marriage to be carried out simply and without extravagance, and the Qur’an forbids extravagance – the Prophet, may God bless him and grant him peace, says: Whichever costs the least. And now-a-days there are various wasteful customs and practices in our society, on which lakhs-crores of rupees are wasted, these are not correct in any way and because of these wasteful customs and practices, how many poor parents have lost their children. They are unable to marry children and take loans to fulfil the same tasks and spend their entire lives in paying them.
Breaking the Trend: Steps Toward Austerity
To reverse the trend of lavish weddings in Kashmir, besides State legislation on guest control or number of dishes ,collective action is required from all sections of society, including religious leaders, social groups, Mohalla (neighbourhood),masjid committees, and concerned citizens. Below are some key strategies that can help break the cycle of extravagance:
Role of the Pulpit (Religious Leaders): Religious leaders hold significant influence in Kashmiri society, and the pulpit is an important platform for promoting simplicity and austerity in weddings. Islam emphasizes moderation and condemns wastefulness, and this message needs to be reinforced by religious scholars during Friday sermons, community gatherings, and social events. Preachers should stress the importance of aligning wedding practices with Islamic principles of simplicity, piety, and humility, while discouraging unnecessary expenses that cause harm to families. Religious leaders can also encourage families to adopt a standardized approach to weddings, limiting the number of dishes served, reducing the guest list, and curbing other forms of extravagance. By setting examples through their own family weddings, religious leaders can lead the way toward more responsible practices.
Community and Social Group Involvement: Social groups and Mohalla committees should take the initiative in promoting austerity by collectively agreeing to limit extravagance in weddings. These groups can establish community guidelines for weddings that discourage lavish spending, including setting limits on the number of guests, the size of the Wazwan, vulgar music with dancing and the type of decorations permitted.
Regular community meetings and awareness programs should be organized to educate families on the importance of simplicity and the dangers of falling into debt for the sake of prestige. These groups can also collaborate with local religious scholars to reinforce the message of modesty in weddings.
Involvement of Concerned Citizens: Concerned citizens, especially those who have influence in society, should step forward as role models by organizing simple and meaningful weddings for their own families. When influential families in the community set an example by holding modest weddings, it can inspire others to follow suit. Additionally, campaigns highlighting the benefits of austerity, such as the ability to save for the future, contribute to charity, and foster social equality, can help change the mindset of the public. Engaging media platforms, particularly social media, to promote simple weddings and showcase couples who choose to prioritize their relationship over material display can also create a shift in societal norms.
Legislative Measures: While voluntary efforts are essential, there is also a need for legislative measures to curb extravagance in weddings. The government can introduce regulations limiting the number of guests and dishes served at weddings, as has been done in some Indian states. Strict enforcement of these rules, along with penalties for non-compliance, could effectively curb the trend of lavish spending.
The trend of lavish and extravagant weddings in Kashmir is unsustainable and socially harmful. It not only places immense financial pressure on families but also fosters inequality and materialism. To break this cycle, it is essential to return to the core values of simplicity, humility, and moderation, as prescribed. The responsibility lies with various sections of society—religious leaders, social groups, concerned citizens, and mohalla committees—to initiate a shift toward austerity.By promoting simple and modest weddings, families can save themselves from financial ruin, foster social equity, and refocus on the true essence of marriage. It is time to move away from the culture of competition and display, and instead, cultivate a culture of responsibility, humility, and social consciousness. Through collective efforts, guided by the principles of austerity, Kashmiri society can create a positive transformation in its wedding customs—one that preserves cultural integrity while embracing modern values of financial prudence and social responsibility.
Author besides being a Medical doctor at Mubarak hospital , is very active in positive perception management of various moral, social and religious issues. He can be reached at drfiazfazili@gmail.com & twitter
