DR.FIAZ MAQBOOL FAZILI
The fading evening light in my Srinagar neighbourhood – a quiet residential enclave where generations have lived under the shared canopy of tradition and faith – was shattered not by sound, but by an image. A routine glance at my CCTV monitor revealed a scene that felt profoundly alien: a young couple, oblivious to the world, engaged in an intimate embrace right outside my gate. This wasn’t a secluded park or a dimly lit corner, but the very threshold of homes, under the watchful eyes of windows where families gather. What followed wasn’t just a breach of public decorum; it was a stark, unsettling collision of two Kashmir’s, exposing a deep fracture in the moral fabric we once took for granted. The defiant declaration, “She is my girlfriend,” wasn’t merely an answer; it felt like a manifesto for a disturbing new normal.
The Incident: A Microcosm of Moral Dislocation-At 6 PM, as families prepared for Maghrib prayers, the scene unfolded. My elderly neighbour, a man whose life has been defined by quiet piety and deep respect for communal norms, witnessed this public display. His reaction wasn’t born of voyeurism, but of visceral discomfort – the ingrained sense of Haya (modesty, shame, and God-consciousness) that forms the bedrock of Kashmiri Muslim society. His intervention was instinctive: a reproach, a plea for decency, an appeal to the shared values he assumed everyone upheld. He didn’t brandish a weapon or issue threats; he asked simple, culturally rooted questions: “Who are you? Where are you from? Who are your parents? What is your relationship?”
The response was a chilling dismissal of tradition and authority. Instead of shame, apology, or even hurried retreat, the pair (boy and girl) met his concern with defiance. The boy, clad in jeans and a shirt, challenged his “right” to question them. The girl demanded his authority to address them on morality. Their posture wasn’t contrite; it was confrontational. The elderly man, representing generations of societal guardianship, was rendered an irrelevant intruder in his own neighbourhood. The ultimate justification, delivered with a shrug of entitlement, was “She is my girlfriend.” This phrase, casually tossed out, severed the connection to the values of modesty, family honor (Izzat), and public propriety that have historically defined social interactions in Kashmir. The intimacy itself was jarring, but the defiance of communal norms and the explicit rejection of accountability were the true seismic shifts.
Beyond the Isolated Incident: A Disturbing Pattern; This was not an anomaly confined to my CCTV frame. It resonates as a symptom of a pervasive, unsettling trend. Stroll through the Mughal or Botanical Gardens, bunds or Parks once serene spaces for family picnics; seek solitude along the banks of the Dal or Lidder; even visit public parks – and the evidence is undeniable. Open displays of physical intimacy, once unthinkable in these public and semi-public spaces, are becoming commonplace. The buck, as the saying goes, stops nowhere. There is a palpable sense that the old, unwritten social contract – the shared understanding of “Haya” – is fraying, with nothing substantial replacing it except a vacuum filled by imported individualism and a disregard for community sensibilities. If we aren’t using moral words in our vocabularies, what are we using?The Moral Decline in the Words We Use.
The Erosion of “Haya”: The Core of the Crisis-Kashmir’s identity has been deeply intertwined with Islamic values emphasizing modesty, respect, and a consciousness of God’s presence (Taqwa). Haya is not merely about covering the body; it’s a holistic concept governing behavior, speech, gaze, and interaction between genders in public spheres. It fosters an environment of dignity, reduces social friction, and strengthens the family unit as the primary social structure. The public declaration “She is my girlfriend” represents a direct challenge to this ecosystem: Prioritising Individual Desire: The relationship is framed as purely personal, sidelining the societal and religious norms of Nikah, familial involvement, and community awareness. Normalisation of Pre-Marital Intimacy: The term implies a romantic or physical bond outside marriage, traditionally seen as Haram, signalling a troubling normalization of immodesty. Loss of Reverence for Elders: Defiance toward the elderly neighbor reflects a breakdown in respect for age, tradition, and communal authority. Weaponization of “Privacy”: The so called, misnomer here couple (unwed boy and girl )misused “privacy” to justify public behaviour. True Haya calls for modesty, especially in shared spaces.
Where is the Buck Stopping? The Failure of Multiple Guardians-The moral unease stems not just from visible actions but from the failure of institutions meant to guide and correct. Family: Once the foundation of values, the family unit seems strained. Are parents—distracted by economic stress or shaped by permissive media—failing to instill Haya, Izzat, and religious responsibility? The couple’s indifference to parental awareness speaks volumes. Educational Institutions: Schools and colleges, once moral anchors, now prioritize academics over ethics. Are they nurturing religious and cultural consciousness alongside secular learning? Moral education can’t be a footnote. Religious Leadership: Ulema address issues in sermons, but is there a consistent, relevant voice promoting Haya in today’s context? Youth need compassionate, practical guidance—not mere condemnation. Society at Large: Has collective responsibility faded? Fear of confrontation, confusion, or a misguided modern mindset (“not my business”) has made silence look like acceptance. Digital World: Unfiltered media normalizes lifestyles conflicting with Kashmiri and Islamic values. Without critical tools, youth absorb these norms, losing their ethical compass.
Our society is at a crossroads, facing a potential cultural crisis marked by widening generational gaps, weakening community bonds, spiritual disconnect, and erosion of Kashmir’s unique Islamic identity. However, this path is not predetermined. Rather than accepting the emerging “new normal,” there is still time to revive enduring values like Haya (modesty), Taqwa (God-consciousness), and collective moral responsibility in ways that appeal to today’s youth. Virtues are vital to both individual and societal flourishing. A virtue-salient culture would provide a more fertile ground for individual and societal flourishing than one where concepts of moral excellence are at the fringes of public conversation.
The way forward requires a compassionate, proactive strategy—not harsh policing. Key steps include strengthening family bonds through open dialogue; integrating Islamic and Kashmiri values into education; offering practical, empathetic guidance from religious leaders; fostering public discourse on dignity and modesty (Haya); creating positive youth spaces and activities; and promoting media literacy to help youth navigate modern influences while staying rooted in faith and culture.
The Choice Before Us.’,” Vocal Fry Isn’t Just for Students only. Simply, fewer virtue words in books means that the concepts those words stand for …If we aren’t using moral words in our vocabularies, what are we using? The image on my CCTV screen, and the defiant words that echoed after, are a wake-up call. Kashmir stands at a cultural crossroads. The “new normal” of public intimacy and the casual dismissal of Haya signifies a profound unease, a drift from the anchors that have held society together through immense challenges. The declaration “She is my girlfriend” is not just about a relationship; it’s a symbol of a deeper moral ambiguity taking root. Analysing these words as used in books is a way to highlight a culture’s consciousness. It’s a feedback cycle whereby the growing generation makes cultural norms, and the cultural norms make society. This doesn’t mean we’re in an immoral spiral, yet: “It would be a stretch from data to say that our findings But we believe that even if not outright moral decline, a moral confusion would be an unsurprising consequence of this downward trend in the cultural salience of morality concepts.”
Our findings reflect a broader culture of an actual moral decline in the traditionally modest society—that people are less moral now. As the article concludes, a virtue-salient culture offers more fertile ground for flourishing than one where moral excellence is sidelined. This isn’t about returning to a stifling past but consciously shaping a future. We must ask whether unchecked individualism, detached from faith and tradition, brings true fulfilment—or deepens a spiritual and social void.
Reclaiming Haya—as dignified modesty, respect, and God-consciousness—is not regression but preservation. Responsibility lies with all of us: families, educators, religious leaders, and individuals making intentional choices. The quiet dignity of the elderly neighbour, rooted in faith and tradition, must not fade into memory but serve as a guiding compass. The defining question for Kashmir’s soul is whether we embrace the defiant “new normal” or reaffirm our eternal values. On the bright, moral-positive side: Knowing what we do and why we do it is necessary in order to improve … or so we’d hope. Hope, that’s a good word, right?
The Author is a Surgeon at Mubarak hospital, Healthcare policy analyst, Certified Professional in Quality improvement in Hospitals can be reached at drfiazfazili@gmail.com
