When we talk about single women in our society, what is the first thought that comes to our mind?
I bet it’s not something very pleasing for most of us. Even majority of us are those who don’t even think that it is important to talk about single women. In today’s modern era where we get to hear and talk about all these huge terms like feminism, women empowerment, gender equality and other relative terms, I wonder who we really speak these terms for because clearly the society has divided women into two sects. One sect is of the women who have a male presence in their lives be it in any relational form, and the other sect of women are the single women, Women who have no prominent presence of a male in their lives.This sect considers of women who are divorced, widows, or women who for some reason chose to be single. Now, for us the women of former sect are considered women ought to be respected and treated well But when the same women For some reason loses the male presence, It is like she has lost all her rights to be respected or to be treated well or even to be thought well of. You might wonder why?
That is because our society lives and survives on a notion of Patriarchy, Where the men hold the power over women and that is how our society views such women. A woman with a man can be anything where as the same woman without a man is nothing. Ironic, right? When we lose a male presence we lose our place in the society, so as well our right to co-exist.
Right from the birth we are taught to give in to the ways of our socio-cultural system. In our patriarchal society, Single women are considered to be incomplete and failures. Especially women who are divorced, Just because their marriage failed doesn’t mean they are women of failed character, but from the divorce onwards at every point of time, these women are degraded in one way or the other, first by their family and friends and then by the society at large. They are reminded by actions and words of what a failure their life is as a result of which most of the women succumb and give in to the pressure of getting re-married which is not an easy task i must say, because re- marriage of a divorced woman is a tough job as a character and feminine qualities are put in question And instead of choosing what is right for her she has to adjust with whatever is being thrown her way, Because she becomes an object of shame and disgrace to be precise and a burden upon everybody. These women are suppressed of their rights to live a happily single life. And those women who bravely oppose and do not give in unfortunately become the victims of social scrutiny, Such as women are considered as the women who are not virtuous anymore and are labelled with disgraceful names which is disgusting from our end as a society. These women are often excluded from family gatherings and social gatherings because it is thought that they bring shame to them by choosing to be single. Even if they are invited they are treated as such that even the very women starts to despise their existence. They are being avoided and getting help from any male on a humane ground raises a swarm of allegations for them, no matter how pure and pious these women are it hardly matters for the society, The fact that they are single is enough to qualify them for the dissection of their lives, the critical analysis and for the social scrutiny. They cannot put up well because then they will be ignorant, and they cannot go into isolation and depression because they will be considered taking dramatic advantage of their lives. But it doesn’t stop here it gets even worse for the women who choose to be single mothers, as their kids come into the play of social scrutiny and the mother has to suffer twice the emotional and psychological pain than it already was. Then comes the other half of the society who pities them which i think is even more worse than oppressing them because it somehow finds it’s way to drown these women in self pity and they lose even their will to fight.
With both halves of the society in play, their every step, every action is analysed as if they were born to be the victims of social scrutiny. These women are viewed as weak and vulnerable opportunities where the patriarchal wolves can prey as they please but if they resist then there is a whole new realm of problems they have to go through, The irony is these wolves and scrutinisers are not some strangers, they are people whom they know, They can be the male colleagues, or the female ones, the relatives, even their very own family members. All in all it’s not wrong to say that these single women in our society have to fight at every breath to survive and maintain their dignity. But that’s not the issue, the issue is what are we doing as a society for them? Instead of making their lives even more miserable than they already are we do nothing good for such women. We take pleasure in their agony, it’s our favourite tea time gossip, while it is their life getting miserable emotionally and psychologically, and women who are unable to support themselves for them financially as well.
Our social mindset is such that we shame these women when they aren’t even at fault but we don’t praise them when actually they are the warriors of life. They are the forces to be reckoned with. As a society we should only uplift such women than bury them even deep into the pit life dug for them.
The author is working as social media analyst and can be reached at Jansaiqa8@gmail.com
