Mirza Ghalib said:
Yaad-e-maazi azab hai ya RAAB !!
Cheen le mujh say hafiza mera !!
(” The events of the past so torment me,
Lord !! That I want to take away all of my memories ”)
It is an excellent and touching line of poetry. The sentiment in it is haunting. Although nothing like byzantine complexity sounds from this couplet yet when we go in a deeper sense this manifests multiple shades and dimensions.
A thinker has rightly said:
“Life is a constant balance between giving in to the ease of distraction or overcoming the pain of discipline. It is not an exaggeration to say that our lives and our identities are defined in this delicate balance. What is life, if not the sum of a hundred thousand daily battles and tiny decisions to either gut it out or give it up?”
While a writer has beautifully put it, “I would have failed, of course, but failure is the condition of the artist’s life. What kind of failure would I have enjoyed, suffered? I know it was not all waste. My hopeless daubings taught me to look at the world with a painter’s eye, despite the poor connection between eye and hand. And the smells of turpentine and linseed oil and paint-soaked rags still make my blood tingle. But words were my calling and called to me, and I let fall the brush”.
So am I; sailing in the same boat. Failures and successes are in everyone’s life. That is life. Those are the memories which keep us in the ‘process of becoming’. Some memories stay shining like stars in our conscious mind, some migrate to subconscious and twinkle there, and some slip to upper-conscious with the passage of time and go dim like stars on the daybreak.
Life is not merely a process of survival but it is deeply related to our memories also. Memories make us who we are. These are our experiences, so our hopes and fears are built upon them. Memories are not simply remembering our past events, they are much more! The past beats inside us, warm us up and we move forward. There are memories which overwhelm our thoughts and hold us back. There are thoughts we love to think, and there are memories we wish they are banished from our head. There are memories of those friends and relatives who walked a long way with us through the desert of life but suddenly departed us and left for heavenly abode. Remembering the people who leave for the next world is easy. We do it every day. But missing them is heartache. It never goes away. Be the memories painful or sweet, life moves on! Memories influence our imagination and intellectual capabilities also and help us in our flights of intuitions.
At times, my memories transport me back to my old days and I feel like reliving in the moments I lived long ago. It was probably 1984 when I met Bashir Budgami sahib for the first time. On meeting him I felt like I’ve known him my whole life. I found him so simple and down to earth; a man with no pretentions or inhibitions; a sweet natured. He is a man whom I always discovered in a remarkably ‘composed’ mood! (Mast Qalander!). I had a script of a short film with me and I wanted him to do that film. He was those days shooting his film “Haba Khatoon”. That was a great film produced by Bashir Budgami sahib which became so popular and evinced great interest. Almost, all Kashmir watched it on its telecast from Doordarshan, Srinagar. Despite being so busy with his schedules he accepted my first attempt of ‘film writing’ and started working on it exactly at the same time he shot his “Haba Khatoon”. “Haba Khatoon” was a full-length film (longer film) while my script was of a short film. The title of that film was “Jalla” and was telecast in 1984. I do not remember now the plot of that play. I usually do not keep any copy of my works with me; that’s the big flaw I have. Bashir Budgami was already a big name and he had established his excellent film art credentials by giving a best production “Rasol Mir”; a film made on this legendary poet.
After “Jalla”, my next TV play “Aalav” was produced and directed by Jai Kishen Zutshi sahib. That play earned great critical success and was acclaimed greatly. My third TV play was “Dehshat” which too was produced and directed by Ji Kishen Zutshi sahib. “Dehshat” was telecast from almost all big Doordarshan kendras of India including Delhi and Mumbai. Afterwards, almost fifty plays written by me, were presented by Doordarshan Kendra, Srinagar and Radio Kashmir.
From 1990 onwards, I stopped writing plays/films for television and stopped writing Radio plays from 2006. I received many big offers from TV film producers, and Radio Kashmir as well, for my plays but I declined all the offers. Now I don’t feel like writing plays. It was just a sort of activity I would do in my leisure time for pleasure. A stage came when I felt, and realised too, that anything except the Knowledge of Allah is nothing but just a pleasurable mental activity or mere intellectually stimulating engagement which has no purpose other than entertaining own mind, thus a man involved in it gains nothing in the long run. I felt, I had just wasted the precious time of my life and swayed by glamour. Meanwhile, art had turned then a business and a crowd of indecent people, ignorant and ruffians had moved into this ‘profession’. They succeeded in having sufficiently great control over this activity and made big bucks. Corruption became rampant. The bona fide writers were forced to leave.
Anyway, an intense feeling to seek the Truth developed in me. I started going to Sufis and loved their company.
Allama Iqbal says about “Zamana-e-Hazir Ka Insan”
(Modern Man):
‘Ishq Na-Paid-o-Khird Megazardish Soorat-e-Maar’
Aqal Ko Taba-e-Farman-e-Nazar Kar Na Saka
(Love fled, Mind stung him like a snake; he could not Force it to vision’s will.)
Dhoondne Wala Sitaron Ki Guzrgahon Ka
Apne Afkar Ki Dunya Mein Safar Kar Na Saka
(He tracked the orbits of the stars, yet could not
Travel his own thoughts’ world;)
Apni Hikmat Ke Kham-o-Paich Mein Uljha Aesa
Aj Tak Faisla-e-Nafa-o-Zarar Kar Na Saka
(Entangled in the labyrinth of his science
Lost count of good and ill;)
Jis Ne Suraj Ki Shuaon Ko Giraftar Kiya
Zindagi Ki Shab-e-Tareek Sehar Kar Na Saka!
(Took captive the sun’s rays, and yet no sunrise
On life’s thick night unfurled.)
{I don’t know the name of the person who has translated this poetry of Iqbal into English:
Nazir Jahangir}
Lalded, a great mystic poet of Kashmir, says:
Tsaalun chu vzmalata traty
Tsaalun chu mandinyan gattakaar
Tsaalun chu paan-panun kadun gritty
(Means, patience to endure lightning and thunder;
Patience to endure darkness at noon;
Patience to go through a grinding-mill;)
These verses of Lalded are not mere words for me, I passed through these experiences and agony.
But the last verse of Lalded offers me a consolation, wherein she says:
“Heyti maali santuus vaati panay”
(Means, be patient whatever befalls doubting not,
He will surely come to you)
{He will provide for all your wants}
(So waiting!)
There are many stars in the brighter galaxy in the literary firmament of Sufi poetry in Kashmir history but Lal Ded is most shining there like a full moon. No star could overshadow her lofty stature for the last six centuries. She today as well, holds the same position in the mystic poetry as before and her highest spiritual cadre and intuitional ability place her in the all-time poetical heavyweight status in mystical poetry.
Lal Ded shunned her worldly life to seek God and she was so engrossed in her seeking that she became ascetic. She went through hard mystic exercises and meditation and experienced tremendous hardships in the fervent seeking of her Lord that a situation came when she had to say:
Tsaalun chuy vozmala ta trattay
Tsaalun chuy mandinyan gattakaar
Tsaalun chuy paan-panun kaddun gritty
Heyti malai santuush vaati panay
(You’ve to endure lightning and thunder in this path of seeking, so observer patience. Be Patient, you may face darkness at noon. It is going through a grinding mill so you need patience on whatever befalls. Hope, He will come to you so don’t be impatient.)
It is not easy to desire intimacy with your Lord, then you have to strive for it, and next you will be put to the test. The first step to establish the relationship with your Lord is to be purely sincere in His seeking. Then comes the pray; meditate and ponder over His creation. There are billions and billions of signs to contemplate. My dear, it is a rabbit hole. How far down do you wish to go? You may go through such confusing situations and bizarre environment that you find it difficult to extricate yourself. So you need a true and perfect guide while to tread on this path. ‘Ak baashari’at sufi’.
Virtues and obedience to Allah bring you closer to Him. Sins and disobeying Allah detaches you from Him. These are the sins when you are veiled from Him. Sins disconnect you from Him. There is no saint without a past and no sinner without a future. So better for all of us turning to Allah, obeying Him, being honest, acting upon His Order and serve mankind. Remember life can be cut short in a second.
Nazir Jahangir is a freelance writer and columnist
