DR.FIAZ MAQBOOL FAZILI
Coined by Japanese researchers in the late 20th century, the term “Retired Husband Syndrome” (RHS) refers to a growing phenomenon among older men and their spouses, especially in patriarchal cultures. At its core, RHS is not a medical issue but a social and emotional challenge.For many years, men have built their identity around their jobs—finding their sense of self in titles, roles, salaries, and control.When they retire, they lose this foundation. Suddenly, the once busy man becomes a presence in spaces he used to avoid—kitchens, living rooms, family gatherings, or even mosque corridors—bringing with him the same expectations of respect, attention, and authority. These no longer match his actual status.The result is often irritability, withdrawal, over-control in the home, conflicts with spouses or adult children, and a deep, unspoken sadness that doesn’t always come out in words.This syndrome isn’t just about money—it’s about ego, loss, and the struggle to feel relevant after retirement.
Beyond the Paycheck: Who Am I Now? The Identity crisis retirement, the question retirees face isn’t “what now?”—it’s “who now? “ When the applause stops, the farewell speech is over, and the watch is put away, many people feel a deep sense of emptiness. Many older citizens have shared that they wake up to a reality where no one now seeks their approval or relies on their opinions, since the family’s financial dependence on them has eased. What they feel at this stage is that they are more sensitive and touchy about their involvement in family matters and decisions.The challenge here is existential—reconnecting with the self outside of professional success.In professions like medicine, law, engineering, or business, men are often conditioned to measure self-worth by productivity. Retirement challenges this. It demands a new idea of success—not by earnings, but by engagement, not by influence, but by inner peace.
The Void After the Verdict: Life, loss, and thequest for relevance; For some, retirement feels like a verdict—an unspoken announcement that their prime has passed. The emptiness that follows isn’t just a gap in the daily routine—it’s a deep loss of purpose. The loss is many-fold,loss of structure: The daily rhythm of life disappears., loss of interaction work relationships vanishes ,loss of power: Decision-making at home or in society becomes harder.These losses, if left unaddressed, can lead to depression, anxiety, and even physical health problems, especially in places where mental health is still seen as a taboo.
Cultural Lens: Masjid Committees and Mohalla Duties—Power in Transition;In Eastern cultures, men often shift from being employed to taking on social or religious roles after retiring.The neighborhood, the mosque committee, or the welfare trust becomes a new space where they can influence things.While this can be a meaningful way to stay active, it can also become a stage for unresolved ego battles.Conflicts in committees, tensions in local decision-making, or strict moral policing in the neighborhood are common signs of retirees struggling to feel important and heard.
However, when used positively, these roles can offer a sense of leadership and spiritual connection, helping some retirees feel a renewed purpose after formal work ends.
From Earning to Serving: the reinvention of the retired man this phase can be a time of remarkable change.Retirement doesn’t have to mean decline—it can be a new direction. From earning to serving, from commanding to mentoring, from building assets to building a lasting legacy—this transition is possible if there’s inner readiness and outside support.Some start volunteering at schools or hospitals, others mentor younger professionals, some join community mediation efforts, and some take care of grandchildren.These unpaid roles are invaluable—they restore meaning, dignity, and connection.This reinvention, though, requires changing the cultural idea that aging means decline and retirement means irrelevance.It needs stories that celebrate active aging, not passive withdrawal.
Resilience on a Pension: Ego, Adjustments, and the search for worth.A major factor in how well retirees adjust is their emotional resilience—their ability to change without clinging to old views of self.For many, the real struggle isn’t about managing money but about managing ego.The shift from being the provider to being cared for, from leading to following, from being the center to watching from the side—this requires grace, not just adaptation.Communities, families, and governments need to recognize the importance of emotional support, meaningful engagement, and dignified
Women at the Crossroads: The other silent partner of RHS .Often ignored in discussions about RHS are the wives affected.After years of managing the home and family while their husbands were at work, they now find their space, time, and authority challenged. For many, this brings resentment over past emotional neglect, now contrasted with too much attention or presence.This can lead to conflict, health issues, and burnout.Couples used to living in parallel paths now have to reconnect, heal old wounds, and find a new way of living together.
Policy Perspective: What Can Society Do? Make community clubs for retirees or spaces that encourage interaction, recreation, and learning. Retired professionals can teach, advise, or mentor others – Skill Transition Platforms can be useful alternatives. Therapeutic Support: Counselling or support groups for retirees and their spouses. Public Narratives of Aging: Highlighting the contributions of older adults in media, schools, and public life.
Spiritual and Ethical Dimensions: Rediscovering the inner self-Many find peace and purpose in retirement through spiritual reflection, travel, charity, or deeper religious study.In Islam, like many traditions, the elderly are valued. The later stages of life are seen as times for introspection and growth.Instead of power, elders can now be sources of wisdom, patience, and compassion.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) respected elders and encouraged the youth to learn from their experience .Retirement Is not the end of relevance-The day must go beyond symbolic appreciation. It should provoke reflection: Have we built a society where elders can retire with dignity, purpose, and peace?The retired husband, standing at the crossroads of ego, emotion, and emptiness, deserves more than routine family dinners and TV serials. He deserves to be seen—not just as a former manager, officer, or surgeon—but as a human being still capable of contribution, compassion, and creativity.The paycheck may have stopped. But life hasn’t.Retirement is not a sentence. It’s a season—to rediscover the self, to serve without condition, and to reclaim the joy of simply being
The Author is a Surgeon at Mubarak hospital, Healthcare policy analyst, Certified Professional in Quality improvement in Hospitals can be reached at drfiazfazili@gmail.com