When something is packaged in social norms and misunderstood religious ethics, one is conditioned into staying silent even in the face of pain and suffering. It is not necessary that we are in love with the same person we are married to, love and marriage are two different things, sometimes we have to move with the pace of life irrespective of our wishes and dreams, and this is what happened to Raima. Raima was a fiercely independent, outgoing and extrovert girl. She believed in making things happen, she had an aura of liveliness and confidence which reflected in her style. After completing her studies, her parents pushed her into getting married, she wanted to live life according to her own convictions but being born in a highly conservative family, she had to surrender her dreams and wishes. One fine day, she got married to a family friend and started off her new journey.
Raima found it very hard to reciprocate the love and feelings for her husband; she was not compatible with him at all. She found a sea of difference between the two mindsets and this gap was telling upon their marriage. Sumit could make out that Raima was forcibly dispensing off her duties as a wife that further infuriated him, it was a heavy blow to his male ego and as a result he forced things on Raima. There was no such thing as understanding in their marriage and Raima often resisted his desires. Things started to take an ugly turn when Sumit used to beat her for not being physical with him, Raima tried hard to make him understand that she was not happy with him and making love to him was a torture to her peace but he continued making out with her despite her non consent. He used to tie Raima with chains and force himself on her, this is what we call marital rape, and soon she turned into a zombie with no wishes of her own. When you are married to a person, he has very right on your body, but what if you are not at all comfortable sharing yourself with him? Does it mean your spouse will continue seeking pleasure without your consent?
Marriage is for women the commonest mode of livelihood, and unfortunately the total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution. Use of force and violence for having sex with you partner is something that is unacceptable both emotionally and ethically. If such situation arises in any marriage, both the partners need to talk about this issue and clear it out. It should not hit their ego as it spoils the basic fundamentals of marriage. Unfortunately, most of the women cannot speak about this matter because they are taught from a very early age that husbands are their protectors and owners and they can do whatever they want, but does it mean that a woman has no right over her body? If she has no physical compatibility with a person, how can you force things on her? Time to introspect!
Excerpts from Book TEARFUL PAGES authored by Azra Mufti, a freelance columnist having written more than 100 articles for various domestic and national dailies, currently working as an assistant professor in CGC Landran Mohali.
