The most tragic and ugly side of our culture is shyness in genuine expressions. People, men and women equally, suffer some extremely frustrating sex problems but feel uncomfortable in telling them to medicos, as a consequence their life turns a hell for them. Even majority of our doctors are not properly and adequately educated in this regard and do not encourage people to feel free in telling them such problems. It’s a sad of affairs that our maximum religious leaders and doctors as well, have made our cultural atmosphere so suffocative and inconvenient that in our land sex problems have become guilt. This has resulted in depressions and other psychological problems. Sometimes, it is because of this feeling of guilt that a friend treats another friend with his/her own ‘prescriptions’ which too cause serious consequences.
“When it comes to sex education, Indian families aren’t of much help to youngsters who are forced to rely on websites, friends and books for advice on sex. An alarming fact came out of the readings. More women feel pressured to use drugs and alcohol to perform better sexually. The same applied to married men and women”, a report revealed.
An idea remained to spin round in my mind for a long to jot down on the subject relating to spousal conflicts but could not mature due to lack of tranquility. Then I dropped the idea and switched over to compilation and completion of other works.
It so happened that a write-up of some lady appeared on my ‘Facebook’ page. It moved me so much that I decided to write a book on matrimonial conflicts. That article of the lady revolved around the subject of ‘sexual exploitation’, as a result my lurking idea received an impetus and I seriously concentrated on the subject. I am hereunder reproducing that article and hope readers too will find it interesting.
Pathetic tale of a gale that was misused by guys.
This girl named Resha (not real name) wrote:
“Most people say I’m foolish to be so open and I try to keep quiet and let someone else speak, but to no avail. So today I want to talk about sleeping around from a different perspective.
I had no concept how important my body was, or how to take care of it from a spiritual sense. I didn’t understand soul ties (illegal marriage through sex) or the fullness of the long term consequences. So, I slept around more than I should have and while I much too young to even be thinking about it. When I became God fearing, I began to learn the dangers of sex. I began to see the fullness of the consequences of being sexually loose. But even still, it took a little while for me to put my knowledge into action and change how I behaved. Now, that’s back-story. Here’s my point to all that. Many times, women desire love, affection, understanding, etc. Our weakness for those things, especially if they were denied us as children, can put us in jeopardy. Sex has so many pitfalls and so much fallout that it reminds me of nuclear warfare. Anyone with a bit of brain knows that you don’t use a nuclear bomb unless absolutely necessary because the fallout can make life hazardous many years after the bomb has come and gone. Every country is afraid of it but every country wants it. Some of them have it, but none of them are using it. We all want sex and companionship and closeness, but just because we want it and it is available doesn’t mean we should have it. I know some won’t like this, but fornication and adultery happens just as much in church as out and mainly because no one wants to tackle the tougher issues. Nothing done is done without reason that’s logical to the doer at the time. There are hundreds and hundreds of men who go to church just to pick up women. They walk in and begin scanning for weakest link, a broken vessel that is so in need that she can’t hide it. They use her and toss her aside. Instead of learning, that love hole gets bigger and she gets more desperate for love and attention. The next predator steps through the door. She’s is cautious but he actually talked to her about God and before you know it, she’s is again being bedded and thrown aside. Before long, she hardens towards men but doesn’t soften towards God and so her plight continues. That has to stop because it is killing the reputation of church and our leaders who use their esteem and charisma to seduce women and continue that playboy mentality. Here’s the flipside. There are also thousands of women who, failing to have found anything easier, attempt to use their sexuality to advance among men in the church, or to attract a *godly* man for marriage. They dress seductively and sit right in the front to be seen. Doesn’t matter if this man is married or preacher, she wants what she wants. She will go out of the way to make the married pastor comfortable, often beating his wife to his side. She cheers the loudest and calls all the time. He’s still a man, even though he lives for God, and she knows that weak moments happen to everyone. She simply has to look like the perfect catch long enough and one day she will have him. Eventually, she seduces him, but men are nothing like women. He doesn’t fall so deeply in love that he leaves his wife and marry her (though that happens too), instead, he has them both and makes her keep quiet about what is happening. She eventually gets angry and begins to talk against him but seems almost completely blind to her own fault. Listen, as a woman who has been almost everywhere but drugs and alcohol, I feel qualified to say this boldly. Regardless of which side of the coin you come down on (the seducing man, man being seduced, the seducing woman or woman being seduced), fact remains that NO ONE wins. Each of us have our own issues and must give an account for our own failings. I can’t be seduced if I keep my weaknesses in the hands of Lord and have people around me to keep me accountable. If I love God, I wouldn’t dare try to seduce someone who He obviously loves to do things He most definitely hate. I hope you all hear my heart in this. I am STILL getting free from that lifestyle and the pain, trauma and emotional issues it caused me is almost unspeakable. I know this isn’t a feel good note, but it is necessary. With love, Resha”
Let me tell you that the story which became the motivating factor to prompt me in writing a book on spousal feuds may be coming out (InshaAllah) with the title ‘His Needs/Her Needs’:
The author is a Freelance Writer and columnist , can be mailed at nazeerjahangeer@yahoo.com
